On the eve of the draft
This is somewhat of an unusual draft in that although we often know who the first overall pick will be, this time we know the second one as well.
But if I was one of the other players expected to go at the top of the draft, how about pretending to be on the phone after Andrew Luck goes first and mouthing "It's the Redskins" at everyone to make Washington fans think they will not be taking RG3?
So once the quarterback show has been and gone and I'm taking 22 as the over/under on how many people Griffin will have on stage with him for his entourage, we get to the serious issue of who the Bucs will get to select with the 5th overall pick.
There are four really quality players due to go after Luck and Griffin, one of whom, WR Justin Blackmon, is of no interest to the Bucs at all. But I could happily see any one of Matt Kalil, Trent Richardson or Morris Claiborne heading down to One Buc Place for pictures with Greg Schiano on Friday afternoon.
Games to play at the draft No.13 - waiting for the first appearance of the obnoxious Drew Rosenhaus on camera and yelling out "twat" irrespective of whatever the time is in the UK when you are watching.
Richardson would immediately upgrade the running game and the general consensus is that he is as good if not better than Adrian Peterson coming out. Although conventional modern NFL wisdom states that the days of taking a feature back really high have gone, the former Crimson Tide back is that good he becomes the exception to the rule.
Claiborne would give the Bucs a shutdown corner who isn't likely to spend the next year as a guest of the Texas prison service or in Roger Goodell's ever-growing dog house. The Bucs have not had a true shutdown corner since ..... since ..... err ....... well it would be nice to have one.
Games to play at the draft No.30 - cross reference any pick with each of Mel Kiper's 38 mock drafts in the past month to ensure he got it right at least once to back up his on-camera comments.
And Kalil is not a bad bronze medal prize if by some chance Richardson and Claiborne have gone to the Vikings and Browns. Maybe if the tackle eligible play for Donald Penn can be re-written for the right tackle instead of the left, then the Bucs UK's favourite big man can be happy too.
What would be the ultimate set of circumstances is for the Bucs to be the beneficiaries of a bunch of trades and moves and wind up with two mid-round first round picks and select LB Luke Kuechly and S Mark Barron to really fill a pair of needs. But I guess there is more chance of Altered Images making a comeback to the top of the music charts later this year.
Games Roger Goodell should play at the draft - make up a name and announce it as the Jets' first round pick just to see all their fans completely look bemused in the stands. Then have a sweepstake on how long it takes them to start booing.
But whatever happens in the first round, every team will claim they are happy, everyone will only see the positives and one odd message board troll on every forum will say he didn't like the pick just in the event that it doesn't work out and he can try and look all clever by saying "I told you so".
Ahh the NFL draft. The once-a-year spectacular that breaks up the off-season for website editors. It doesn't come close to some of the shenanigans that happened at the Bucs UK Fantasy league draft at Phil Jones' house in years gone by but it's still worth getting excited over. Well a little anyway.
You've been great, enjoy the Selector.