Headmaster Goodell speaks at the end of term assembly
Sit up straight class! I am going to finish this register and the end of term report and then you can start the holidays.

Right where was I? Jones .... Blank .... Biascotti .... Wilf ... Glazer .. nice work this term by the way Glazer ...... Benson and Snyder ..... always last aren't you Snyder?

OK we are almost at the end of another school year. I hope to see you back here next term but we are still trying to get the staff and cleaners to make sure they will turn up. I will write to your parents during the holidays to let them know if term will start on time or not.

A few items to bring to your attention. Jones and Blank. Please stay off the school field during lessons. That is for the sports teams and not you. And Blank, please can you start wearing the proper school uniform and not the one that was in fashion in 1966. That tie is not regulation width.

Wilf, late for school again last week. "The roof fell in on my house" is a pathetic excuse. Either fix it or move somewhere warmer.

Some of you have been treating your classroom assistants very badly again this term. Jones, you need a proper assistant. Stop thinking you can get through school on your own boy.

And for those of you who are changing your assistant, please remember the school rules on recruitment. Asking someone you met at the park does not meet our standards. Brown, you need to spend the proper amount on equipment next term. Carrying on with second-rate materials produces second-rate performance.

I have had a number of letters about school productions. Please remind your friends and family of the school rules that every seat must be taken before we will allow any cameras into the hall for people unable to attend.

On the subject of bad behaviour, Adams, you need to work with your assistant properly and stop hanging round with that Young boy from the other class. You were told he was a bad influence on you a few terms back.

Lurie, I understand one of your friends wants to come back to the animal petting class after school. Tell him I'm watching him very closely and will hold you responsible if he misbehaves again.

Davis - are you asleep at the back? Pay attention! I know both previous headmasters have had problems with you. It's a long time since you were anywhere near top of the class so I don't know why you are sitting there smirking.

The end of term school disco will be held at Jones' house. Please make sure you are there on time and no misbehaving. I know he sometimes serves different drinks to the regular canteen menu but it is his house so no making a scene.

Any questions? Yes Ford. "What is the end of term school disco?" You've never been to one have you? That will teach you to employ someone like Millen in the past. Benson, please make sure Ford gets to the disco this year so he can try and make the effort to attend on his own next time.

Right class dismissed.

You've been great, enjoy the Waitresses.