The UK Super Bowl drinking game
Watching the game in the UK is always a marathon event simply because of the kick-off time. 11.16 is when "we put toe to leather" as Gene Deckerhoff would describe the moment the game gets underway.
But to liven up the game for Buc fans who have no real interest in a game featuring the Steelers and Cardinals, Lee Bromfield and I have come up with a drinking game to try and get you through the four hours of live coverage from Raymond James Stadium.
Sky Sports coverage
Every time you see a Z-list celebrity at the Super Bash - take a drink.
Every time Nick Halling crawls up Jerry Rice's arse on the commentary - take two drinks.
Every time Kevin Cadle says "score in our ballgame is" .. take a drink.
Each time the CoachStilo advert appears on screen - swop drinks with the person next to you and take a swig.
Whenever any analyst uses the term “Underdog Cardinals” …. Shot of vodka.
During the entire coin-toss ceremony … you must be drinking the entire time.
Every time the Whisenhunt is the ex-Steelers co-ordinator story is trotted out …. Two shots of lager.
Whenever the Mike Tomlin coached right here in Tampa Bay story comes out … down a pint of lager.
The game itself
If you are watching the game with an NFL novice and they ask you the rules - down their drink.
Anytime the camera pans into the booth and shows John Madden on screen …. All drinks must be downed by all participants.
Whenever a field goal is attempted you have to predict if its going to be good or fail ... if you're wrong, all your drink must be downed.
Anytime the chain gang come on for a measurement, all particpants must neck a spirt of their choice ... so long as its gin.
Whenever there’s a challenge flag and a play goes to replay ……. Top up your glass to the maximum with lager, whatever you're drinking.
Anytime Bruce Springsteen is referred to as “The Boss” … down your drink.
Every reference to "our troops overseas" - re-fill your glass .
Anyone who tries to sing along to "Born in the USA" accepts whatever kicking the rest of the room feels obliged to dish out.
Off the field
Every time Kurt Warner's missus is shown on screen you all have to cover your eyes – last one to do so ….. shot of whisky.
Anyone who claims "yeah I'd give her one" - banned from using the bathroom until the next touchdown. Anyone who thinks that swamp-donkey is attractive deserves to piss in their pants.
When a graphic appears showing Dick Lebeau’s 89 year coaching career …. Two shots of lager.
Anytime Darnell Dockett's name is mentioned, all participants must yell "TWAT" at the top of their voices ... last one to do so ..... two shots of lager.
Whenever Terry Bradshaw's name is mentioned all contestants must shout "Numnut" - last one to do so .... one shot of whisky.
Before the trophy presentation, and if still standing, all participants must enjoy a nightcap cheeky Vimto to celebrate the end of the game and surviving this far.
And the obligatory health warning
Please make sure you drink responsibly. As in, always keep a firm hand on your glass or bottle and don't spill any on the floor.