View from the 19th hole - Week 1 in the NFL
Yes it's the return of the fearless forecasts. And I'm determined to not only beat the likes of Lee Bromfield on this site, but also Mike Carlson on "Friday Morning Tight End" and the Pigskin Preacher on TBO.com.
Washington Redskins at Exit 16W off the Jersey Turnpike Giants
Little Danny Boy Snyder was kept locked in his office by the Redskins' front office this season in an attempt to stop him spending his money on over-the-hill free agents. Still won't make any difference as the Skins miss the playoffs again. Pick: Giants.
Cincinnati Criminals at Baltimore Ravens
Chad Inko Plinko or whatever he calls himself now - who gives a monkeys? You would just know he had to be Keyshawn's cousin. The Ravens go with Joe Flacco in their latest attempt to replace the mercurial Trent Dilfer. And it won't work again either. Pick: Bengals.
New York J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets at Miami Dolphins
And the only way is up for the Dolphins, Bill Parcells, Don Shula and even M People who had the hit back in the 1990s. Which was about the last time the Dolphins had a decent QB. And to think their best weapon is the smoking one. Wow, a whole feature without mentioning Brett Favre... DOH! Pick: Jets.
Kansas City Chiefs at New England Video Cheats
Did you know the Patriots could be a whole five games worse than last season and still go 11-5? Belichick may be a cheat but he's still the coach of the decade. And he gets off to a winning start in 2008 too. Pick: Patriots.
Houston Texans at Pittsburgh Steelers
The Texans are the AFC version of the Cardinals. Every pundit picks them to do well just to try and look clever. But Gary Kubiak is one smart coach so I'll join the party. To think I remember him being drafted in 1983 and making the Broncos as a fellow rookie back-up QB with John Elway to former Buc Steve DeBerg. Upset pick: Texans.
Jacksonville Jaguars at Tennessee Titans
Tough AFC division match-up this with a team that doesn't need receivers (Jags) against a team that hasn't got any (Titans). Bo Schlembecher would have loved this one. Three yards and a cloud of dust. Pick: Jaguars.
Detroit ex-Buccaneers at Atlanta Falcons
Are there any ex-Bucs out there that Rod Marinelli hasn't signed yet? Or is just a rumour that Dewey Selmon and Mark Cotney were seen heading to the Silverdome. Sorry but this is a rookie's dream debut. Pick: Falcons.
Seattle Seahawks at Buffalo/Toronto Bills
Being on the North-West coast, the Seahawks are always whinging that they never get any publicity. And then they whinge about all the travelling they have to do. The Bills just wish they could stay in one place. Pick: Seahawks.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New Orleans Saints
Well I did predict the Bucs by seven on JP Peterson's Happy Hour show on Tuesday afternoon so I'll stick with it. I alsop predicted Europe to win the Ryder Cup too. Pick: Buccaneers.
St.Louis Rams at Philadelphia Iggles
The Greatest Show on Turf is so long gone that most Ram fans wish wistfully now for the return of Ray Malavasi or John Robinson. Donovan McNabb just wishes he could play in a stadium where he doesn't get booed. Pick: Eagles.
Dallas Cowboys at Cleveland Browns
Is it just me or do other people think these are the two most over-rated teams in the league? Everyone is picking Dallas to go all the way (please no, Jerry Jones would be totally unbearable then) and the Browns can't get lucky with Derek Anderson again. Or Pamela Anderson either. Pick: Cowboys.
Carolina Panthers at San Diego Super Chargers
Over/under on how long Shawn Merriman's knee holds out - middle of the second quarter. Pick: Chargers.
Arizona Cardinals at San Francisco 49ers
Mike Martz makes his latest stop in the City by the Bay, the City where the music never stops. And nor will the rumours of him taking over from Mike Nolan. Pick: 49ers.
Chicago Bears at Indianapolis Colts
Tony Dungy begins his final season as Colts' head coach in a re-match of the February 2007 Super Bowl. Difference is that the Colts are still good. The Bears are pants. Pick: Colts.
Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Favre-less Packers
Just how is John Madden going to survive commentating on the Packers without blowing smoke up Brett's backside like he has for the past 16 years? Tavaris and Aaron sounds more like two members of a boy-band. Pick: Packers.
Denver Broncos at Oakland Rayders
Gotta love those Raiders. Still totally out of control, out of synch and out of the playoffs. Only Jon Gruden has kept Al Davis under control in the past 15 years. Pick: Broncos.
Paul Stewart, The Tampa Tribune, 5 September 2008