Week 11 2011
The column written by someone still living life on the beach in Tampa. Can someone order Bucko another strawberry marguerita please?

Outside of Thanksgiving Football (of which there should be only two games), can someone please explain the point of Thursday night football? The players hate it, the coaches hate it and more importantly, fantasy players hate it. So why the hell is it there in the first place?

Having sat through enough pre-game shows about the Bucs' trip to Green Bay, the phrase "frozen tundra" should now be banned unless the actual temperature is 10 below freezing, and the commentator saying it is actually at Lambeau Field. And John Facenda needs to be present too.

The fastest thing in the NFL are the press photographers running to cover a Packer player about to do a Lambeau Leap.

One last point on the Lambeau Field thing - weather that cold would require a sideline reporter to be so wrapped in clothing that you could hardly recognise them. Therefore this week's Laura Okmin is ugly-as-hell reference.

Forget Thursday night NFL football, every night is college night football now in the States. So whatever the day, you too can watch Outer Middle Wichita State A&M take on Eastern Western Kentucky. But whatever the game, whatever the level, every team runs the spread offense now so the game is always the same.

The most annoying NFL program of all-time is on ESPN around lunchtime entitled "The First Take" and is nothing more than two micro-celebrities, Eric Mangini and Cris Carter shouting at each other about how crap Tim Tebow is. Just be thankful ESPN America do not pass this montrosity of a program on to the UK market.

But it did last week feature the greatest putdown in television history from Carter to reporter Skip Bayless. Carter had been proven right over another Tebow issue so got an ESPN cap, a Sharpie pen and signed it with his name and the comment "I'll add 1,101 here Skip. It's for how many receptions I had in the NFL, the third-most in history, which proves I know way more about the game than you ever will."

Laugh? I nearly dropped my sun-cream and marguerita.