Week 17 in the NFL
With the Jets completing their ultimate Gotham collapse, perhaps the lethal New York media will have Rex Ryan out of his coaching job and hence go and replace Warren Sapp as the token fat guy on Inside the NFL.
As the Indianapolis Colts got closer to winning in Jacksonville and thereby blowing their No.1 overall pick, they should have had Andrew Luck being lowered on a cage towards the field to encourage them to throw the game.
Winner of the most favourable play-off match-up in the history of the NFL - the Pittsburgh Steelers going to play Tim Tebow in Denver. This could be so one-sided that when John Fox conceeds early in the second half, it will be the Terrible Towel playing the white towel.
Suzy Kolber appeared on the Christmas edition of ESPN's Sunday Countdown wearing a pair of antler ears. Sometimes this is just too easy so I will leave the moose jokes to whoever wants to do them.
Best reason for a 16-game season to remain the same - part 1 - the Bucs not having another game this season.
Best reason for a 16-game season to remain the same - part 2 - the Philadelphia Eagles are on a four-game winning streak and are staying at home.
Patronising article of the year award goes to ITV London for a feature on a 17-year old kid who moved to Carolina a year ago and has played his first season of high school football as a defensive end.
Yet despite him hardly having an impact, it did not stop them claiming he was "on his way to NFL stardom" and likely to earn "the same sort of money as superstars like Cam Newton or Tom Brady".
It was simply embarrassing and in another 12 months time, no-one will ever have even heard of this kid after he leaves high school without any kind of college offer.
Since the New England Patriots waived Albert Haynesworth, they have not lost a game and are 8-0. After the Tampa Bay Buccaneers claimed Haynesworth off waivers, they did not win a game and went 0-8.
Other teams you are really glad are not in the playoffs - Dallas. The Cowboys. Jerry Jones' franchise. The team coached by Jason Garrett. The team that had only blown a 12-point 4th quarter lead twice in their entire history, did it three times in 2011 alone. Bucko needs to go in for surgery to sew up his sides because he was laughing so hard at Jones' surgically-enhanced face looking like it was eating a chocolate turd.
Bucko doesn't do playoff football so the call here is for the Saints to play the Ravens in the Super Bowl, and the BBC coverage to narrowly defeat Sky Sports in terms of puerile comments aimed at the non-existence audience who allegedly tune in just for the big game.
With all the coaching vacancies in the NFL, no doubt much mention will be made of the "Rooney rule". Problem is in the UK, this means being a thick, bald and ugly t**t who goes round sleeping with prostitutes and getting drunk over Christmas and then getting fined for missing training at Manchester United.