Bengals put on sad show
Lonnie Wheeler, The Cincinnati Post, published 30 September 2002

If the Bengals expect anybody to come to the rest of their home games, they might start thinking about giveaway promotions. Buy a ticket, you get a bedroom set. Buy two, you get Mike Brown's undivided attention. At the least, they ought to hand out pillows at halftime, considering that none of Cincinnati's games have effectively lasted past that point. Or maybe remote controls. What a concept; one click, and you're at a Patriots game.

Sunday's latest tragicomedy, which, at 35-7, was no different, seemed briefly that it would be. For exactly two minutes and 30 seconds, the Bengals actually led the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The first lead of the season was the result of a touchdown by the Cincinnati defense, which goes without saying; the offense hasn't scored one in the first half this season. Brian Simmons snatched a pass, carried it 51 yards, and woo-hoo, whaddya know.

But then Tampa Bay got the ball, and Cincinnati neglected to cover the tight end, Ricky Dudley, on a 35-yard touchdown pass. Of course, this is understandable, because the Bengals' defense never gets to practice against tight ends. The Bucs scored another touchdown when the Bengals defended three quarters of the field and Keenan McCardell chose to run his route in the fourth, which was the left sideline. But even then it was only 14-7, and for the Bengals, that's not bad. That's how it stood with a minute and a second to go in the first half, the Bengals with the ball, first down at their own 23-yard line. For most teams, this would represent a chance to tie the game before halftime. But give the Bengals the ball and 61 seconds, and there's no telling what disaster might ensue.

Akili Smith's first pass of the drive was intended for Ron Dugans over the middle. It was caught instead by Shelton Quarles, whose name you might not recognize because he doesn't play for Cincinnati. Quarles' touchdown was pretty much it for Sunday. But there was still a little time left when the Bengals got the ball back. They did nothing with it, naturally, and on fourth down they punted. It was the final play of the half, but Tampa Bay was called for roughing the punter, a penalty that is generally regarded as one of football's most generous gifts. It meant that the Bengals could run one final, desperation play. Only they elected not to. That's right, they declined the penalty, deciding, in effect, that throwing one more pass would actually give the Tampa Bay defense a better chance to score than the Bengal offense.

After a review of the tape, this might have been a good call. The Bengals throw the pigskin as if the pig's still in it. You can find old ladies in Nash Ramblers who pass better than they do. It might have been different if they had traded for Drew Bledsoe, but Bledsoe made it clear that he didn't want to play in Cincinnati, which makes him one of the league's more intelligent fellows. When the Bengals sign a quarterback, he becomes inhabited by the ghost of David Klingler.

This is as curious to Dick LeBeau, the Bengals' coach, as it is to you and me. Asked Sunday what makes him think the Cincinnati offense might improve, he said, "I've seen these same players move the ball and put points on the board.'' Sure he has. Smith moved the ball at Oregon. Jon Kitna moved it at Seattle. Gus Frerotte moved it at Washington. Peter Warrick won a bunch of games at Florida State. Corey Dillon scored touchdowns for Washington. Neil Rackers made kicks for Illinois. Sunday, the Bengals' leading receiver was the guy in the second row who hauled in one of Smith's overthrows. Actually, Peter Warrick had more catches than usual - four for 51 yards - but afterwards he was thinking more about the balls that didn't get to him. Often as not, Smith's vision was impaired by 303 pounds of Warren Sapp. "I'd be out there on the pattern,'' said Warrick, "and I'd look back and say, "God, what happened?' "

One could say that about the season, as well. It's not often that the baseball and football seasons end on the same day, but now that the Bengals' quarterbacks have all been spent, there appear to be no possibilities remaining. The difference between the Reds and Bengals right now is that only one club gets to go fishing. The Bengals, on the other hand, have to do something that you should be grateful you don't. They're not able to enjoy the full benefits of the local blackout. "I hate going home every Sunday night knowing I've got to come in here Monday morning and watch this film,'' said Warrick. "I hate it, man.'' At least he doesn't have to pay for a ticket.